What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
