dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
