Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize