what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
