i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
