its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
