he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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