my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
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When did we convert life to cartoon?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list