i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
