Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.