i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?