I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.