I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
