What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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