ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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