he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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