apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
