I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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