I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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