At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize