Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
