It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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