I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize