Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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