my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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