Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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