Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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