it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
how does that bad decision feel?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
