And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
