Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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