How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
