How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
