Duck Duck Cougar?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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