Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
