I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's just like the Real World with babies
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
