Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
