Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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