those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
