Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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