Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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