i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
