i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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