Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
