This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
