my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
