Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
