I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
