Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
