i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
