Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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