FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize