I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
