I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
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IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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