you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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