if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
