In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
