I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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