hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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