i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
