The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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