they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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