apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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