Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
