Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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