I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i think i have two assholes
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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