yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
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