honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
