5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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