How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
