piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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