he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
