i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
