I feel great
I just peed on a car
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
