Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
birth control should be required to get into college
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
