I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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