so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
