idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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