Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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