we're chasing vodka with high fives
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
