i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
