piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
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wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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