i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
