i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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